I'm not stupid.

You keep cursing and yelling without thinking for a second how hurtful your words can be. They hit me like a sharp knife. 

Knives.

I don't know why you're like that but you are. You think I'm dumb and I'm an idiot but I'm not. Frankly, I'm much more smarter than you and more of a genius. Have you ever thought that when I'm hesitant about something, maybe it's not because I'm stupid or because I don't know what to say, maybe it's because I'm scared to talk about it in front of you. 

Yes. To be honest I am scared. I'm scared of you. I'm scared of you mocking me on my abilities because you always think that I'm trash talking but I am not. I'm not trash talking. 

I'm scared to be 'me' in front of you. 

Because you think I'm stupid. I'm not.

I love you. But you become like the 'world', heartless and ruthless. You mock me on my dreams, on my aspirations. I don't know why. 

But I'm not stupid.

I know that you don't know who I am as a person. Of course how would you? You've been away 17 years of my life. How would you know how I am? How would you know I'm not trash talking? How would you know what I have done to be able to achieve my dream? 

You haven't seen me work hard.

You haven't seen me the nights I've stayed up just to make sure I don't waste time. 

You haven't seen my achievements. 

You haven't seen how far I have grown.

I am proud of myself because I am amazing. I am NOT stupid. 

I am amazing.

And I don't care what you think anymore.

I love you. That's why I'm letting you go.

'Really, is it that easy, just to walk away?'

'No, but because I want you to be happy, I will walk away.'

'What if I'm not happy?'

'But you will be.'

'No. Don't walk away. Stay.'

'I have to let go.'

Idiots, idiots, everywhere

Arguing with an idiot is like hitting your head against the wall. Let them dwell in their world of stupidity; they never listen - Lylaa A.

Naya Pakistan - Road to democracy

I see people live on television pointing out how 'Naya Pakistan' didn't come into being after the elections that took place three days ago on 11th May' 2013. Seeing such ridiculous comments being made, I wanted to point out their misinterpretation of what exactly 'Naya Pakistan' meant.
It takes me by great shock to see how our "politically informed" media spokesmen and journalists can make biased statements on live television. Now I don't mean to generalize all of them but most of them. In an era where information is spread through social media in addition to television and radio, facts are not hidden. When these facts are so openly buried under the carpet, questions are raised at their credibility. In an advancing world like now, how can people be denied their right to know? It can be then decisively put that the media has played a controversial role in airing the election and post-election updates.

Now about media raising questions about 'Naya Pakistan'. I don't think that word was coined to define a definitive win in the elections. It was termed to mean progressive change taken by this country's people - tabdeeli (translation: change). That was indeed evident considering how hundreds of thousands of people all over the country took an initiative for a better system and a better society. It has been over three decades that such an enthusiasm had been seen in the history of Pakistan and finally people came out of their houses and took an active role. The passive man stood up to cast a vote and be a part of the change. I know people who came from abroad to not let their vote be wasted. According to the statistics the turnout had been 60 percent. In the previous elections of 2008, it had only been 30 percent! The youth took a vow to bring a change to this country. Never before in many decades had the youth so actively tried to play such a pivotal role in politics. When massive rigging took place people made sure their voice was heard. They made sure that their right to vote was not hijacked. And today they are out on the streets demanding for their right. I do not see how this is not tabdeeli. This is definitely Naya Pakistan and the brainchild behind this change is the one and only, Imran Khan.

So here's a little message to the media and some political personnel, Imran Khan might have not won the elections but he won the nations heart. He rose political awareness amongst the many who hadn't ever taken part in politics. He made sure people exercised their right to vote. It was Imran Khan who inspired many to fight back the corrupt system which has prevailed for so many years.

Is it not Naya Pakistan, then?

In Imran Khan's words, 'Tabdeeli achuki hai!' (translation: Change has arrived)
 

Hamza Ahmed - One of us.

How can someone be so cruel and heartless? How can someone’s ego over power his consciousness of right and wrong? I never knew that mankind could ever come to a point where his rationality would go to the dogs.

How easy has it become to pick up a gun and shoot someone? This question stands for you Shoaib. How can you kill someone who is a human being like you? Someone who has a family like you? Someone who might be having hopes and aspirations like you? Someone who has yet to see so much of life just like you? Exactly, HOW?

He was someone from amongst us. He was someone's son. He was someone's brother. He was someone's friend. He was a human being. Is that how a human being is treated? He could have grown to have contributed to this world in any way possible. His existence would have meant something. Today it was him. Tomorrow it could be you, it could be me, it could be anyone.

He was someone like us. He was shot dead... shot dead at a foolish reason and I’m here cowardly sitting behind the computer screen reading status’ on Facebook about the tragic incident and doing something similar myself – writing about how I feel but not really doing anything against it. I get angry at those who speak big words while I myself sit here… just writing and doing anything. And probably if you’re reading this you’re one of those too who sit there and cry about the tragedy.   

What is the most that we do? Go across the streets with a few banners and demand for justice. Or maybe post some photos on a Facebook page in respect to the deceased. And yet, none of us see justice come to life. In cases like Shahzaib Khan, the culprits easily got away with the murder and all we did was sit hand on hand with nothing to do. In no time the matter faded away and we forgot about him. Today, we lost another Shahzaib. And the same memory pages are made and emotional status’ put up. For a month or so the news will be the headline and then we will all forget about it.

Hamza Ahmed, my heart goes out for you and your family.

What is the value of life here anymore? What is shocking is to know that the order to shoot was made by someone who was ‘educated’. Educated, was he really? Education isn’t just limited to what is learnt from the books. It’s inclusive of moral and ethical values as well. I openly question Shoaib’s family; did you teach him enough morals that could have prevented him to do what he did today? According to me it doesn’t seem so, considering he got into the squabble with Hamza because of harassing Hamza’s girlfriend and to top it, had a guard hanging around with him who acted upon his stupid decision of firing at the opponent.

 

"And whether you manifest what is in your minds (anfosi-kum, 'souls') or hide it, Allah will call you to account according to it."

Shoaib, you may be able to run away because of the corrupt system we are living in: the corrupt system that encourages cowardly acts like yours, but you will not be able to run away from Allah’s wrath. You will not.

Have you ever wondered?

Have you ever wondered if you mean the world to someone who means the world to you? Have you ever wondered if someone loves you as much as you love them? Have you ever wondered if someone would go to any lengths for you like you have for them? Have you ever wondered if someone has cared for you as much as you have cared for them? Have you ever wondered if someone respects you like you respect them? Have you ever wondered if someone cherishes you like you cherish them? Have you ever wondered if they can see through you like you can see through them?

Has the answer ever been a... no?

Life brings us to a stage where sometimes these thoughts cross our minds. These thoughts, which leave us pondering over the most unnecessary things. Things that make us sad. Things that leave us questioning the very existence of a relationship. Would we really call these thoughts 'unnecessary'? The possibility of a 'what if' still remains and.. what if our thoughts are not wandered off on 'unnecessary things'?

What if there exists the slightest truth in what we assume?

 

Long time, no c?

Hey.
I've been writing after quiet a long time. Been busy lately. But since I have been over thinking a lot these days and no one seems to understand my feelings, I guess it's better I write them out here. Stay posted for more stuff. Oh and I will be redoing my blog. 'Pimping' it.

Ciao!

We're born alone. We live alone. We die alone.

We live in a world of different sorts of people, many of whom we can't trust. We live in a world where nothing is our own but... there is this place, a place we believe is our sanctuary... our home. Or is it really?

Sometimes we have everything and yet nothing. My perspective about family is somewhat similar. I have it. Yet, I don't even have it. Today I felt so lonely, almost hopeless. Almost as if there was no one to look up to and nowhere to go to. Whenever I was disillusioned by people I would look up to my family thinking, well, at least these people would always be there for me at every step. Today I realized this was not so. We're always alone no matter what happens. Family members are just like any other normal human being. Just like every one of those who kept on disillusioning me, making me lose faith in humanity. These people are just... just like them. Just like how the world is. And just one of those reasons why life becomes hard at times.

I kept quiet all the time thinking that because they were my family, I was not supposed to say anything but just accept what they did. Now, nothing made sense.

I was sick of being quite. I was sick of all the lies. I was sick of taking all blame. I was sick of everyone.

I hate lying and I hate liars. What makes it more difficult is when people lie right in front of my eyes and I’m just standing there unable to utter even a single word. Who would believe me when I’m surrounded by so many liars especially when it’s one of my own family members? What could I do? Honestly, there is not much that could be done.

It broke my heart and it made me cry because I would never expect something like that from my family, at least.

This is what I learnt and this is what I want everyone to know. Keep your expectations low. ‘Family members’ are not special people. They are just people and they would hurt us too. Do not depend on them. Be strong enough to stand on your own feet. Be your own companion. We don’t need anybody in our life to hold us when we’re falling. If we have the will to be there for ourselves, we’ll have the power to deal with all sorts of people.

Keeping expectations low does not mean we change our behavior towards them. This is what I did. Even when it would hurt the most to see them lie about me, I would smile at them. Even when it would hurt the most to be blamed for things I didn’t do, I would silently accept and apologize for it. This is how it should be. Just remember, we don’t need anyone but God.

 

And let’s face it, He’s always there too.
That's the way it is.